Sentimental story

Rock A By Babies

Nov 08, 2021

The cradle is rocking, and I heard a gentle cooing sound coming from it. 

A cold breeze blew by, and the cooing sound became louder and louder 

Until it became a soft wail 

And the cradle rocking becomes more erratic as it rocks faster and faster 

I must reach the poor baby inside 

Because when the bough breaks, the cradle will fall… 

Alas! When I reached it, it was empty…

And I woke up drenched in tears and sweat. 

“Jenn, honey, are you alright?” asked Peter as he gently puts his arms around me, and little by little, the sobbing ceased. 

“I had a bad dream, that’s all. I said. Then I felt it, the pain from beneath. As I glanced down the sheets, it was drenched in blood. 

The sobbing continued… I lost another one… 

***

If anyone asks me how I haven’t lost my wits after so many miscarriages, I look to Peter and tell them it’s because I already have a great family in him. I feel no one can rival Peter’s fierce supportiveness. He was as determined as I am to grow our family of two. 

But after the third miscarriage, Peter’s courage wain. It’s as if we don’t want the same things anymore. And when I fought him about this one day, he just said: 

“I don’t want to lose you.” 

But the desire to have a child is so great in me. 

I wanted to see Peter’s kind eyes, my decisive mouth, our sense of humor in a child of our own. And to me, it’s never too late. 


It sounds cliche, but I believe in miracles, and I believe in many chances.

So I prayed.,.

I hoped…

I lived for the present and the future… 

Until the following winter, my hopes and dreams were answered, and a healthy baby boy we named Joshua now rests in my arms… 

My life’s cup is half full. Finally, we are complete… But not quite… 

I still remember those beautiful babies I lost. 

Those rainbow babies whose the reason why Joshua was here in the first place… 

If we hadn’t keep trying, we would have never had Joshua, and those babies reminded me of the triumphs and failures of motherhood. 

To Peter and I, they are still part of the family. So I tried to find ways to memorialize them. As I was scanning Instagram one day, I came across a page called Covatar. I saw many portraits that were uniquely done. Some look like paintings, some cartoons, and some half of both, but they all look mesmerizing in the end. Then an idea struck me, what if I make a portrait of my entire family? 

It was a crazy idea, but I have to try. So I went to their website at www.covatar.com, and I spoke to someone called Alex. He was friendly, and as I shared my story with him, he quickly empathized with my gains and losses. 

I told him I wanted a family portrait with all my children included. The first one I lost would have been two years old. The second and third would have been a year old. And I showed Alex photos of myself and my husband as babies and Joshua’s baby picture. 

It was great to know that Alex had teammates who were geneticists and could recreate what my rainbow babies might look like in their particular age group. 

And it was on! 

I’m glad that Alex was in on the challenge. It took them about a week and a half to create the portrait, but I loved Covatar because they were so attentive to my needs. There was a project manager who was constantly in touch with me. He kept me updated on the progress of the painting. 

Finally, the painting was ready. I had the digital copy, but I asked that they print it for me on canvas. The canvas came… 

Peter and I were beyond words… 

There we were, a complete family. Joshua was in my arms while his brother and sisters surrounded us with cherub wings as they glanced proudly to where Joshua was perched. 

It was beautiful and symbolic, as if my rainbow babies will always be here to keep watch on us. I burst into happy tears… 

Covatar did such a fantastic job, and I couldn’t ask for anything more… 

I hope you try Covatar for your next portrait experience. 

Truly working with them is a heartwarming experience for my family…

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